It’s nearly impossible not to notice the pain so many people are experiencing these days. While fingers can be pointed at the divided state of America, the struggling economy, or the growing disdain for those who see the world differently, I believe a deeper problem lies beneath the surface. I see this problem in conversations with coaching clients, friends, acquaintances, and even, if I’m honest, myself at times. What is it? Too often, we lack a healthy outlet for what we’re thinking and feeling, which stems from too little genuine communication in two essential areas.
First, there is an overabundance of presentation and an alarming lack of real conversation. The definition of a conversation, no matter the dictionary, always includes the word “exchange.” The Cambridge English Dictionary puts it well: conversation is “talk between two or more people in which thoughts, feelings, and ideas are expressed, questions are asked and answered, or news and information is exchanged.” If information isn’t exchanged, it’s just a presentation, not a conversation. And if there are no questions asked and answered, how can we fully understand another person’s thoughts or ideas, let alone whether they have merit?
Second, and as a Mindset Coach this is the one I find most crucial, is the absence of an outlet for our thoughts, fears, and emotions. It’s essential to let those things flow through us, whether by sharing with a trusted friend, writing in a journal, or speaking with a therapist or coach. Otherwise, these feelings fester and slowly erode our well-being. A powerful metaphor for this comes from nature: both the Sea of Galilee and the Dead Sea receive water from the Jordan River, but only the Sea of Galilee has an outlet, enabling water to flow through and sustain life. The Dead Sea, lacking an outlet, becomes stagnant and salty, unable to support life at all.
When we avoid meaningful conversations, our sense of community diminishes, and so do our outlets for emotional release. Research shows that communities where people connect and give to others enjoy better health, greater happiness, and longer lives. What does this teach us? WE NEED EACH OTHER! We need to converse, not just present. We need to ask more questions and listen deeply to the answers. We need to share our thoughts and fears with people who care, and care enough to listen to theirs.
We are all in this together and will either rise or fall together. To rise, we must first see and love each other as fellow human beings, despite our differences, and find outlets to let life’s energy flow through us and back out into the world.
Matthew Walley
Mindset Coach and Founding Partner
Inside Outlooks Coaching and Consulting
info@insideoutlooks.com
