Meet Another SuperFriend
There’s both a physical and an emotional side to heartbreak. One person who has explored that in great detail is Robbie Parker, who sadly lost his daughter Emilie in the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting in 2012. Robbie joined Amy Scupham and Matthew Walley on the Inside Outlooks podcast to talk about his journey and once again remind us that personal growth is very much an inside job.
Robbie Parker’s Book: A Father’s Fight
Robbie Parker is the author of “A Father’s Fight,” a book that explores profound emotion and purpose. It demonstrates how using the grieving process to take action can foster growth and healing.
Since Sandy Hook, there have been countless tragedies, but the events of December 14, 2012, remain unforgettable. On that day, 20 students and six adults were killed in a mass shooting at a Connecticut elementary school. One of those victims was Robbie Parker’s daughter, Emilie.
The devastation of the Sandy Hook Elementary shooting was immense. What followed compounded the tragedy: conspiracy theorist Alex Jones claimed the shooting was a hoax.
This is where Robbie’s story takes off. It’s been called a David and Goliath story—one of hope and resilience in the face of hatred and division.
For the next decade, Robbie and his family, along with other parents and family members who had lost loved ones, were subjected to attacks and abuse from Alex Jones’ followers, who called them crisis actors.
“A Father’s Fight” reveals how this immense hatred pushed Robbie inward, disconnecting him from the world and his family. Four years after Sandy Hook, Robbie was accosted by an Infowars listener three thousand miles from Newtown, Connecticut.
After seventeen students were murdered at Florida’s Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School, Robbie and his wife spoke with one of the victim’s parents and learned they were also being harassed with hateful messages because of Alex Jones and his campaign of misinformation. Robbie led a group of Sandy Hook parents, lawyers, and supporters into a battle with Alex Jones and his conspiracy theories.
Standing up to Alex Jones in court helped Robbie heal and brought the memory of his daughter and her schoolmates back into focus.
Talking about a Journey through Moments
Robbie shares a vital reminder:
- We never stop learning.
- We never stop growing and understanding.
- We never stop healing.
He arrived at the Alex Jones trial believing he knew everything that had happened since the massacre. However, he was met with new information and saw familiar events from different perspectives.
Experiences, whether good, bad, or ugly, offer lessons that help us grow and see the world through a different lens. That’s the story told throughout his book.
The Process: Writing from Memory and Detailing Events
Robbie coached himself through his experiences, even while working with therapists and other support systems. He attempted to journal his feelings immediately after his daughter’s death, wanting to preserve the details despite being in a fog. Alissa, his wife, also wrote a book, and they supported each other by sharing notes and details.
The innate need to protect his family disrupted Robbie’s ability to enjoy things he previously loved, like cooking, fishing, and writing. By the time the trial arrived, he had developed an aversion to writing. Recalling events depended on the learning and growth that would normally occur during the grieving process which Alex Jones and Infowars had prevented him from having.
As his life changed, the details of Emilie’s death had to be re-dealt with. The ongoing processing enabled him to keep everything straight. Drafts that didn’t make it into the book remain a part of his experience.
The Book That Wasn’t Meant to Be
Robbie initially wrote the book for himself as a healing tool. As he shared it with a few people, they opened up about their own experiences with healing and grief, which led to the book’s publication.
Being Comfortable in Uncomfortable Situations
Healing involves learning how to be comfortable in uncomfortable situations. Robbie met with the father of the shooter who killed his daughter and with the man who sexually abused him as a child.
In an age where people often retreat into echo chambers, Robbie had to confront those who challenged and threatened him.
One of this SuperFriends superpowers is sitting in discomfort.
When two heart cells come together, they start beating together. People who are grieving need others to help them beat together; this is community without expectation. Robbie believes the strength of heart comes from the ability to connect and communicate. Sometimes, a lack of words creates connection.
It’s difficult to be honest with ourselves, especially about our feelings. When someone told Robbie they didn’t know what to say, he appreciated their honesty and their willingness to stay present.
A Memory: Emilie’s Act of Kindness
Robbie recalls shoveling snow late one night when Emilie, who had already gone to bed, got up to heat up leftovers and set them out for him with his favorite drink. What Robbie loved most about Emilie was her ability to understand and share her feelings authentically.
Robbie struggles to express his emotions outwardly and believes he became a storyteller to compensate. He often tells stories to his therapist to explain his emotions.
Writing, therapy, and psychedelic healing ceremonies have helped Robbie connect with parts of himself he has been disconnected from – in some regards since he was a child.
Coaching on Awakening and Awareness
Growth comes from awakening and awareness. Through his journey, Robbie increases his awareness.
Matt uses the example of driving down the same road and always taking the wide sweeping right turn, never noticing the left. Once you are aware of the left turn, you might consider it. Even if you don’t take it, you’ve gained awareness that the option exists. Building awareness takes time, and there’s a likelihood of falling back into familiar patterns.
A step back is actually a step forward. Taking the time to grow, awaken, and become aware allows you to get within striking distance of what you want to do.
Robbie is building agency, claiming his voice, standing up for himself and his family, and taking action.
Stephen Covey said humility is the mother of all virtues. Robbie’s humble heart and vulnerability shine through in his story.
Robbie realized that trying to control his sense of safety disconnected him from himself. He can only control the moments where he was willing to be vulnerable, deciding when to share things.
Vulnerability is indeed a superpower. The hard work is going within.
What’s Next for Robbie: Now What?
Robbie works best when he holds back from setting expectations, remaining open to the process. He trusts himself and believes things will work out.
He loves his career as a PA in a NICU ward and has writing projects he wants to expand upon.
Emilie taught Robbie that he needed to heal his six-year-old self. He realized he was drawn to work in the NICU because his dad worked there, helping vulnerable people who were suffering through no fault of their own. The NICU healed him, too, and he wasn’t aware of it until now.
Parting Words
Robbie leaves us with a quote:
Love yourself, love life, and then go love whoever you want.
He realized he had been doing it backward and decided to love himself first, then life, then others.
